We've Always been

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Sidebar

28
Tue, Jun

Tools
Typography

Mike, I need a producer for my new movie would you be interested? We are shooting in Cannes May 15-20.

Uh…wait…what? Do I want to shoot a film in Cannes on the Ides of May?

What could go wrong?

If interested let me know and we do a call urgent!

The text messages above were sent to me around 4:30AM Chicago time earlier last month.

I called my guy Mark O’Connor in Dublin and asked him. So, what’s the deal?

He’s an old pal from our Annual Irish American Movie Hooley film festival, directed a movie called CARDBOARD GANGSTERS, one of the best Irish gangster movies I’ve ever seen.
We had many laughs when he was here for the Chicago premiere. The Hilton hosted Mark and his family for the weekend. A friendship was formed. We hoisted pints at the bar in the Fitzpatrick Castle the next year and on another trip, we bar hopped through Dublin swapping stories of gangster movies we love.

For a hot shot Irish film director, he’s low- key and always seems to be amazed by whatever he sees and hears. He’s watching the world and digging it.

Plus, he’s legit! He’s helmed several films and TV series in Ireland, and he has chutzpah up the wazoo!

So, I’m flattered to be considered for this gig, line producer for a week in Nice, living in a rented villa with the cast and crew on the French Rivera shooting the trailer for a very funny film entitled

Oui Cannes!

But I’m also wary of yes, what COULD go wrong?

And I started to think…what if?

Next thing I know I’m wrapped up in the villa, the pool, bikinis, cocktails, me in a speedo, sure I’m fat, but we’re in the south of France so who the feck cares? Go with the flow baby.

Now we’re on a yacht and everybody is speaking French. Suddenly I realize everybody is staring at me, the fat yank in the speedo, half-drunk who just realized he’s supposed to be “producing”.

Finally, one of the actresses, said, “Monsieur Houli, what is your first name?”

Pierre.

“Pierre Houli?”

She had a cool way of saying it as she jiggled her boobs in her orange bikini and laughed.

“Pierre Houli”!

And it sounded like Pierre Who Lee?

We’re laughing and I catch the reflection of myself in her sunglasses. I’m wearing shades, speedo, and goofy Panama hat, and I’m telling her, “Yeah, dat’s right, Pierre Houli, at your service.”

And then she stops laughing, put her hands on her hips and sez, “Well now Mr. Pierre Houli, Mr. Producer? Where is our lunch?”

Suddenly everybody on the yacht looked at me like famished children. She had instantly transformed from this Anita Ekberg slutty starlet into a very hungry Doberman Pinscher with a bad attitude.

“Where is our lunch?” and then she broke into French, “Merde”, and other French dirty words I can’t remember.

At one point the gendarmes met the yacht and put me under arrest for hitting a goat on the road coming back from Monte Carlo very late the night before. It’s just 25K from Nice.

This was after I fell in the pool and crawled out, barfing the twenty oysters, I had consumed for breakfast hoping to put some lead in my pencil!

The tabloid newspaper had me on the front page, “Yank Producer Runs Amok in Cannes”, with a very unflattering photo of me in my speedo with a drink in my hand screaming at the photographer.

I was way out out of my element for a 73-year-old aging groove dog who loved to party, didn’t speak the language, and kept shouting “vive le difference!”, hoping to get a laugh from the now very snobby frogs.

So, I called Mark and told him I don’t think I can do it. Like Lt. Harry Callahan in Dirty Harry, you must remember, “A man’s got to know his limitations.”

So, discretion was the better part of valor and like Falstaff I trudge away from another battle. I am old. I am old.

But I know every time I see or hear about the Cannes Film Festival, I will think fondly of my missed moment on La Croissette as Pierre Houli in Oui Cannes!

June Digital IAN

May 2022 Digital

SUBSCRIBE to IAN Today

Choose

Tiny Desk Concerts - The Fontaines

List your Irish authored Books

Make Pictures into Wallpaper!

 

Advertise

Paying For
Instructions

Irish Ann

Advertising Rates 2022-23

Shop Irish!

ARTIST
Bryan Boylan
ASSISTED LIVING
Aishling Companion Homecare
Destiny Senior Care

ATTORNEY
Dwyer and Coogan
GilMartin Legal
Healy Law
Lynch , Thomas 708-598-5999
McEntee Law Group
Miller & McGing Law Firm 773-467-8000
Murphy & Smith Ltd
Shannon Law Group
BAGPIPERS & DRUM CLASSES

Chicalba Bagpiping

BANKS
First National Bank of Brookfield

Marquette National Bank
BANQUETS
Gaelic Park
Irish Am Heritage Ctr
BEAUTY SALONS
Appearances Pk Ridge
 847-825-7615
Hair by O'Hara & Friends-Hometown
BOOKS - IRISH
TheIrishBookClub.com
BRICK REPAIR/REPLACEMENT
Shamrock Tuckpointing
CARPET CLEANER
Sheila's Carpet Shampooligans
CATERERS
Harrington's Catering & Deli
Unforgettable Edibles
CHARITABLE ORG

Mercy Home
IrishCommunityServices
CAULKING & SEALING
Shamrock Tuckpointing
CHIMNEY REPAIR

Shamrock Tuckpointing

CHOIR
Irish Heritage Singers
COTTAGE RENTAL
Dingle Cottage: 312-399-8793
Gurtenard Hse - Listowel Co Kerry
CRUISES

Phil Coulter Tranquility Cruise
CULTURAL ORGANIZATIONS

Chicago Gaelic Park

iBAM!
Ireland Network Chicago
Irish Am Heritage Ctr
Irish Am Society Co Will
Irish Am Unity Conference
Irish Heritage Singers
DANCE SCHOOLS

McNulty School of Dance
Trinity Irish Dance
ENTERTAINERS
Cahal Dunne
Chicalba Bagpiping
Paddy Homan
The Larkin Brothers
Catherine O'Connell
Joe McShane
Whiskey Mick Irish Rock
FESTIVALS

Arlington Heights
Dublin

IAHC
Indianapolis
Kansas City
Milwaukee
Naperville
FINANCIAL PLANNER

Corrigan Financial
FLORIST

Garland Flowers
FUNERAL HOMES

Gibbon's Funeral Homes
Roberty J Sheehy & Sons

GAELIC YOUTH FOOTBALL
773-719-2847 Jerry
GARBAGE REMOVAL
Flood Brothers Disposal
GOLF COURSES
Palos Golf
GRAPHIC DESIGN

Laura Coyle 773-343-7268
Meghan Lee Graphic Design
GROCERIES/MEAT

Winston's
HEARING SPECIALIST
Mel Dermody
HOTELS/RESTAURANTS/PUBS

Clarke Hotel & Five Points Pub
County Clare Inn - Milwaukee
Ennis Inn & Pub
Irish Cottage Galena 1 866 CU-IRISH
St. Brendan's Inn
HUMAN RESOURCE CONSULTANT
James Fitzgerald
IMMIGRATION SERVICES

IrishCommunityServices
IMPORT SHOPS
Ann's Irish Gifts

Celtica Gifts 773-784-7712
Donegal Imports
Gaelic Imports
Irish Shop
INSURANCE

American Family-Joan McKee
Riordan Insurance
JEWELERS

H. Watson
MUSIC SCHOOLS
Chgo Academy of Piping/Drumming
Irish Music School of Chgo
MYSTERY SHOPPER
Cathy Cooney-Millar 224-944-9654

PARTY PLANNERS
That Special Event

PENNY WHISTLES
Michael Burke
PHOTOGRAPH CAPTURING
Memoirs for Me
PHYSICAL THERAPY
SPORTS-ORTHOPEDIC
Athletex
PLASTERING

William McNulty & Son
708-386-2951
PUB/RESTAURANT RECRUITER
Cathy Cooney-Millar
PUBS & RESTAURANTS

Aishling on the Lough - Kenosha WI
Ashford House
The Celtic Knot
Chief O'Neill's
Clancy's Pizza Pub
Clarke Hotel - Waukesha WI
Corcorans
County Clare Inn - Milwaukee WI
Emerald Loop
Ennis Inn & Pub - De Pere WI
Fifth Province
Fiddler's Hearth
The Galway Arms
James Joyce Irish Pub
Johnny's Kitchen & Tap
Lizzie McNeill's
Mickey Finn's Brewery
Mystic Rogue Pub/Restaurant
Peggy Kinnanes
Red Apple Buffet
Six Penny Bit
St. Brendan's Inn - Green Bay WI
Vaughan's Pub

REALTORS
JSheehan Group
Koenig & Strey
Mary Ellen Considine  773-769-2500
RESTAURANT/HOSPITALITY RECRUITER
Cathy Cooney-Millar 224-944-9654
SPORTS CLUBS

Chgo Celtic Soccer Club
stbrigids.chicago.gaa.ie
ST PATRICK'S DAY
St Patrick's Day Parade
SWEATERS

Anne's Irish Knits
TABLE RUNNERS
All 32 Counties
TELEVISION-CABLE

Irish Journal 708-366-4665
THEATRE
Late Nite Catechism
TOURIST ATTRACTION
Ronald Reagan Boyhood Home
TRAVEL /TOURS

Gadabout Travel
Jem Tours_Mary Pat Flanagan
TUCKPOINTING
Shamrock Tuckpointing
VACATION RENTALS
Dingle Cottage
Cork - Cottage from $450 weekly
Don at 608-274-1180
WASTE REMOVAL
Flood Brothers Disposal
WEDDING PLANNER
That Special Event

WEDDING VENUES
Gaelic Park
Irish Am Heritage Ctr
Palos Country Club
WOOD FLOOR SPECIALIST
The Sexton Group